Business Plan

Sometimes, I find myself relating to a CEO of a major corporation.

Except that I don't make millions of dollars.

I also don't have much power.

And I'm not even a Republican.

Ok, maybe I'm more like the manager of a mom & pop joint in a no-name small town rather than an entrepreneurial mogul. Anyhow, any executive position upholds the same ideals-find ways to make your business thrive, manage all employees effectively to generate the most revenue, and make executive decisions, even if they go against status quo.

The problem is that I'm finding myself fretting over the smallest decisions. Should I use Lucinda Grand or Comic Sans for the worksheet title? Do I have the students face north or east when pairing up with a partner?

These are the nonsensical stresses that riddle my already fragile mind.

The more I think about it, a CEO is a horrible example.

I'm aiming to become more of a coach...

and less of a trembling Chihuahua.

1st Week Status Report

Can I tell you a secret?

Could you lean in closer~

A bit more...

I really like my classes so far.

But if you tell them I will kill you.

Truth be told, I don't think it's even because of the students themselves. A History teacher in my team shared that it seems like every year the faces change but the kids are the same. I know what he means. But I like how it feels like I've picked up from right where I left off. And the first thing that I return to teaching are the classroom rules.

My lovely, wonderful rules that overlook my class like an omniscient being.

And behind every great rule stands a consequence. These two were meant to be...

Here is the name board where the rule breakers go to publicly post their sins:

Finally, there are the students' favorite part of following the rules, the rewarding PAT (Preferred Activity Time)

(I'll reward the Periods with 2 extra PAT minutes if they take out their supplies in less than a minute, or arrange their desks into group formation in less than a minute, etc.)

A student thanked me after our first PAT game time, saying "I've been looking forward to this ALL week Ms. Won".

You're welcome sweet female student, but really, thank the rules, not me.

Flashing Lights

Multiple choice time!

Which of the following lights gets used the most?

(A)

(B)

(C)

I have a feeling that you've aced this quiz!

A special thanks to the artist~

Thanks cuz!

A girl named M.

Today, I was reminded of one of my favorite songs by Regina Spektor titled "Laughing With".

"No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war

No one's laughing at God
When they've lost all they've got and they don't know what for
...

But God could be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious..."

I thought of this song as I noticed teachers saying a whole lotta "Oh lord"s, "Dear god"s, "jesus"es. I guess the first week of school brings out the fervor in teachers, but there has been a ton of prayers sent today just from my school alone. It made me think about when it is that divine intervention becomes necessary instead of supplementary.

Which brings me to M.

I could tell she's gonna be one of those students who reminds me of how much I need God. Some thoughts will be blasphemous: "Oh Lord, why do you send such hurdles in my way?". Others will be pleading: "Lord, please give me the patience to deal with this child."

It's only the 2nd day and yet she has shown me that she can be defiant and unmotivated. We haven't gotten into any major hurdles yet, but I could whiff trouble from her a mile away. Thankfully, her 6th grade teacher, who adores her and happens to be a close friend of mine, gave me some much needed insight. M. has gone through enough family troubles to leave her angry for the rest of her life. She has been disappointed time and time again, so why should she crack a smile for a teacher she has barely known for 48 hours? I realize how stupid I am, to be upset at the display of uncooperative behavior when it really isn't about me at all.

And so I pray.

Before & After

The old me would've written out a script to recite verbatim on the first day of school.

The new me barely had time to write the day's agenda on the board before the bell rang.

The old me would've planned out my entire wardrobe for the 1st week of school.

Now, the new me plans the entire lunch menu to pack for the 1st week of school.

The old me would've started planning a weekend getaway vacation by now, cruising cheapflights.com

The new me started my second job today tutoring high school kids to earn some extra money.

Times are certainly changing. For a long time, I was torn on deciding whether all this change was for the better or worse. I would mask my ambivalence about my changing demeanor and attitude towards teaching by saying that I was now "different".

But I've officially decided-change is good. I used to worry myself sick the night before school began (which was ironically how I ended up being late to Homeroom on my first day as a teacher). I've never felt as relaxed as I did the start of this year and I see that it's rubbing off on the kids.

The old me would've been in mourning, knowing that the tales of the bygone summer burned onto my skin would fade away as the school months progressed. The new me ran at the beach yesterday with a dear friend and laughed until my face hurt. Now I see that grief has no place in this ever-changing whirlwind called life. There are beginnings and ends but they are all connected. Life moves on.

Back to Innocence

Download this mp3 from Beemp3.com

From start to finish, this song is perfect. It's so good that it almost makes me want to go back to school come Monday. Almost.

I've climbed the fence,

got the books & pens.

But I don't have brand new shoes, walking blues.

And I'm hoping that the kids and I are gonna be friends.

Oh yes, I'm hoping that they and I will be friends.

Role Play

I was talking with some friends about junior high days and how if given the choice, we’d run away from the chance to go back to those days like it was the plague. The memory of the awkwardness, gawkiness, and sheer idiocy of our pubescent mentalities still linger in our minds. It was embarrassing enough to experience it once.

Facing seventh graders every day, I sympathize more than envy. The raging hormones, the boy who wanted to get with you yesterday but wants a different girl today, and the pain of not being invited to a friend’s party…those experiences will add up to form a murky, uncomfortable time in most of their lives. Whereas now I feel infinitely more comfortable in my own skin, I remember how important it was to be cool at their age. Effortlessly, undeniably cool.

However, I haven’t traveled leaps and bounds from where my students stand. I still try too hard at playing the role of a perfect teacher. That’s why I stress during lessons, acting like I know what I’m doing as I stupefy them into deeper boredom. I create awkward scenarios as I attempt to lead a Socratic seminar where the students shift uncomfortably in their seats as opposed to sharing and debating their ideas. Meanwhile I try not to show the popping beads of sweat and clammy palms.

My friend Kenny told me about a memorable moment when his dad was telling a family friend that Kenny wasn’t the only one growing up, that he himself was growing and learning what it is to be a father everyday. This year, I don’t want to memorize, rehearse, and perform. I want to reveal the honest truth-that I’m not a seasoned teacher yet. I will make stupid mistakes, pride will get in my way, and frustrations will come. But that one day I hope to become a great teacher...a teacher who goes beyond the curriculum and affects their hearts and lives as well as their minds.