Role Play

I was talking with some friends about junior high days and how if given the choice, we’d run away from the chance to go back to those days like it was the plague. The memory of the awkwardness, gawkiness, and sheer idiocy of our pubescent mentalities still linger in our minds. It was embarrassing enough to experience it once.

Facing seventh graders every day, I sympathize more than envy. The raging hormones, the boy who wanted to get with you yesterday but wants a different girl today, and the pain of not being invited to a friend’s party…those experiences will add up to form a murky, uncomfortable time in most of their lives. Whereas now I feel infinitely more comfortable in my own skin, I remember how important it was to be cool at their age. Effortlessly, undeniably cool.

However, I haven’t traveled leaps and bounds from where my students stand. I still try too hard at playing the role of a perfect teacher. That’s why I stress during lessons, acting like I know what I’m doing as I stupefy them into deeper boredom. I create awkward scenarios as I attempt to lead a Socratic seminar where the students shift uncomfortably in their seats as opposed to sharing and debating their ideas. Meanwhile I try not to show the popping beads of sweat and clammy palms.

My friend Kenny told me about a memorable moment when his dad was telling a family friend that Kenny wasn’t the only one growing up, that he himself was growing and learning what it is to be a father everyday. This year, I don’t want to memorize, rehearse, and perform. I want to reveal the honest truth-that I’m not a seasoned teacher yet. I will make stupid mistakes, pride will get in my way, and frustrations will come. But that one day I hope to become a great teacher...a teacher who goes beyond the curriculum and affects their hearts and lives as well as their minds.