Etiquette for dealing with a sick teacher

1. Do ask her if she's feeling alright. It really does make a difference.

2. Don't ask while she is talking about tonight's homework and asking if anyone has a question.

3. Do hand her a tissue from the student table.

4. Don't covertly point to her red nose and snicker with others during groupwork.

5. Most importantly: never ever sneeze in her face when she was leaning down to your desk to help you understand what adverbs are. 

I know exactly which student got me sick. In my sick delirium I see her face looming in front of me. When I get back on Wed or perhaps Thursday, I'm gonna get a bazooka sized water gun and just. go. AWOL! 

 

Blindness

“What do we call a person who keeps on talking even when no one’s listening?”
“A teacher!”

I’ve found that the greatest tools aren’t shouts, threats, or pleas. I should know cause I’ve tried them all.

Surprisingly, the greatest weapons are the eyes. As my students enter, I simply look at them until they get the clue. The words, “get to work” or “let’s start now” never leave my lips. Every day, despite feeling the blood boil over to my head from watching them talk, sit there cluelessly, or look at the pictures in each other’s binders, I just stare. Like clockwork, the first couple fall quiet and the rest follow. I’m always scared that it’ll stop working one of these days, but it’s never failed me yet.

Staring isn’t easy though. Making sure that I don’t open my eyes too wide to scare them (being Asian helps immensely), I keep my eyebrows and forehead very relaxed. With my eyes I try to ask in the calmest tone, “What are you doing right now?” despite being close to strangling those who are looking right back at me. It’s even better if you’re far away and they catch you looking at them. The perception of being seen is more powerful than actually being seen. When it comes down to it, it seems that all they really need is to be seen.

I have a dream

"Alright everyone, now that we've read the introduction of the two friends and their future dreams of becoming boxers, you'll write a journal entry describing yourself and one other friend. Describe a future dream that you and your friend have. Everyone understand?"

*Heads nod vigorously*

10 minutes later:

"Selena is my best friend. Me, I'm short and I love animals. We have nown each other since we were in dipers."

"One thing we promised each other is to never stop being friends. I picture us grown up and in our houses with nice clothes, highheels, and dogs and kids and our annoying husbands, but before that we have to invite each other to each other's wedding!"

"Me and my amiga want to live in the same house. With 3 rooms, 3 bathrooms, and a pool. We want a big house to do parties, have family over, and friends. Have lots of candy and chips (takis), and also soda."

"1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10" (really wish that I could post a picture of this)

"One dream about me and my friend happened after a sleepover. We just saw a movie about aliens and it was scary. I had a dream that aliens were coming to kill us. We run and run and don't get anywhere. Then I woke up in the morning and didn't say a word."

 

Paper or plastic?

This recession can’t be denied: horror stories of mass layoffs, homes being lost, and make shift “tent cities” popping up. The depletion of hope inverted with an increasing every-man-for-himself mentality is painting our lives with cynicism. Although there isn’t any shortage of students who need education, the economy is hitting my school hard.

At a curriculum planning meeting, a teacher named Mrs. B offered me words of advice when I expressed how increasingly unmotivated my students are. Those words were, “Face it, these kids are the ones who are going to be bagging your future children’s groceries.” Before you mark her forehead with a bulls eye for why our education system is so screwed up, consider that the 7th grade California standardized test consists of INSTRUCTION MANUALS for vcrs and radios. These manuals are targeting the “comprehension of informational material” but why is it that none of those multiple choice questions require our kids to evaluate, judge, or create something? Why are these tests geared towards measuring how good of an instruction following employees our students will be as opposed to problem solving bosses?

Mrs. B is a smart, realistic teacher who has taught in the official ghetto for ten years. During the 90s she had one student who took a liking to her, and offer her Doc Martins shoes stolen during the LA riots. She’s been through the mill and is still here coordinating the ESL program, doing after school tutoring, and helping me do a research project with my students. Thankfully, her words do not match her actions.

But these are tough times. When you consider the actual number of people who share my student’s ethnicities, economic backgrounds, and home location, and make it to the top paying jobs, it’s depressing low. And so it feels silly having my students draw comic strips depicting a story when there are grim realities to face. But it is only silly hope that could help these kids beat the sad statistic awaiting them. And it is only hope that could prevent me from feeling like an Albertsons staff member training a new batch.