PENIS!

In high school, I never played games that involved yelling out male genitalia in increasing decibels. In fact, I wouldn't have even been able to mouth the word. This was because I was a good kid. And a loser.

But being back at school, at middle school of all things, has rendered me less fragile, less delicate. I've seen enough crass words, drawings, and notes to last a lifetime. That flustered, genteel high schooler is long gone and now replaced by a new woman unafraid to be blunt in the face of vulgarity.

Last week I had a literature group circle assignment where each group member was given a different job. Somehow my resident tagger, Jose, got nailed with the perfect job: ze Artiste. He was to draw a picture depicting the poem "The Highwayman". Upon looking over his shoulder, I grew furious. The most obvious crime was that the paper was bordered with gangster bubble letters that I couldn't make out. Then on the drawing of Bess, the main character who shoots herself to warn her love, was a picture of a penis!

I walked away and gathered my thoughts as to what the key points to my tirade would be. In my head, I rehearsed saying, "Jose, what would future employees think of such a drawing? First, they would think that you're some gangbanger who would tag all over the company's property! And a penis! They're going to assume that you're some kind of a pervert! Is that what you want others to think? That you're a perverted gangster?!"

But here's how the actual conversation went.

Me: Jose, I need to speak to you after class.

Jose: What! I didn't even do nothin'.

Me: (stoically waits until everyone leaves) Can you explain this drawing to me?

Jose: Well the letters here (points to gangster bubble letters) say love because Bess was in love with the Highwayman and here (points to other gangster bubble letters) it says madness because the Highwayman went all crazy when he heard about her death.

Me: Oh, (cough) well, I couldn't read that. But what about this PENIS!

Jose: Ah mang, that ain't a penis! It's her arm! See that's one of her fingers reaching for the gun and that's the rest of her hand.

Me:

Jose:

Me: I apologize Jose. I see that you've really understood the story. Thank you for explaining this to me. Do you need a pass to your next class?

Jose: Yes. Sorry Ms. Won. I won't draw no more.

So not only am I the pervert, but I'm a dream killer too.