Etiquette for dealing with a sick teacher

1. Do ask her if she's feeling alright. It really does make a difference.

2. Don't ask while she is talking about tonight's homework and asking if anyone has a question.

3. Do hand her a tissue from the student table.

4. Don't covertly point to her red nose and snicker with others during groupwork.

5. Most importantly: never ever sneeze in her face when she was leaning down to your desk to help you understand what adverbs are. 

I know exactly which student got me sick. In my sick delirium I see her face looming in front of me. When I get back on Wed or perhaps Thursday, I'm gonna get a bazooka sized water gun and just. go. AWOL!